Harlot...in search of a Giant Hot Dog!
by Scarlot Harlot a.k.a.
SUNDAY!!! SUNDAY!!!! is roller derby day. In days of
old when the Scarlot
Harlot skated for the Hell
Marys, her entire day was dedicated to the pursuit
of personal sports accomplishment and satisfaction.
Stretching for hours, eating nothing but hamburgers
and powerbars, drinking every drop of water in site,
listening to the Foo Fighters in order to pump up for
the chance to play some real derby. None of that cry
baby shit where some of the toughest girls in the league
boo hoo and wipe their eyes cuz you blocked them too
hard in practice. Time to put on fishnets, pour on the
war paint, put red bows in the braids and work out some
of those personal issues that arise in running the business
of roll derby. LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE, FOXY BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
off, the Scarlot Harlot while unable to be suppressed
from Beth Been's personal life, is no longer skating
AND you need to know that practically NOTHING here will
be about the SPORT of roller derby. Go read the
freaking recap. When roller derby was revived there
was hardly any sport. It was all SPECTACLE. Satan's
cheerleaders, priests on stilts and skates, Tinkerhell
with sparklers, dragons, coffins, pit crews with flags,
the usual suspects ruffled panties, flamers, freaks,
FIGHTS!!!!....It was beautiful. Our own little Jim Rose
Freak Show without anyone having to pick a keg up with
their wiener. Scarlot Harlot once dreamed of hitting
the road with the WARPED tour or Ozfest showing the
our hard hitting action and cool, cutie moves. Don't
worry, the roller derby split was more to blame for
unrealized dreams than the sport but you are being warned
the Scarlot Harlot LOVES to play the sport of roller
derby and loves strategy, etc but we are going to talk
about the SPECTACLE!
July 6, 2008 was a much different day for the Scarlot
Harlot. Retired from the Hell Marys, she didn't stretch
except to reach the beer cooler and to be quite honest,
she headed to the bout in search of a Giant Hot
Dog! There had been much discussion about the mysterious
hot dog and photos needed to be taken! It needs to be
mentioned that the heart ring Bettie and Mr. Rage gave
Scarlot started blinking on the dresser and indicated
something exciting was in store.
Bistro sponsors Heartbreak Hooligans Tailgate
to the big event, the Heartbreak Hooligans had a tailgate
party sponsored by Traveling
Bistro. If you have no idea how a roller derby event
comes together, be assured, standing in the parking
lot, drinking beer, watching a surprise tiny motorcycle
exhibition in the parking lot and seeing the hordes
of people headed towards the bout is a million times
more fun than stressing out because you have to skate,
your team is losing it's mind, and you forgot something
Porchetta Sandwiches by Mr. Beau Been (retired Texas
Rollergirl Photographer/Owner of Traveling Bistro) were
delicious and were a perfect base for later Lone Star
drinking activities. When in the hell did Smash
Hit become a Heartbreaker!?!!?!! Totally impressed
by the tailgating efforts, Orion get the team spirit
award especially by showing his Bettie Rage team spirit
with a denim vest embroidered with "Mr Rage."
Together Scarlot Harlot and Mr. Rage seem to be having
a TGI Fridays flair competition! Hell Yeah!
to the Skating...looking for the Real Weiner
route across the parking lot, there was Pussy
Velour (retired Hustler) dressed in a sexy Hell
Mary outfit complete with name, number and a few naughty
embellishments. Once inside, the bout was already going.
Beer in hand, the hot dog instantly sighted. It was
a magnificent, happy faced hot dog who would take photos
with anyone. While lurking around the hot dog, up walks
and says the cheerleaders can no longer go on the track!
was the first bout the Scarlot Harlot had been to all
season after about a year(s) as a photographer / photographic
wrangler, many many years of skating (maybe 6 or 7?),
and eternity of doing the web page and a brief stint
as penalty mistress and a 2007 Hell Mary Cheerleader.
She'd been carrying a lot of guilt about not returning
for the 2008 Hell Mary season, but on sight of the barrier
around the track said the days of running around the
track screaming and cheering with her favorite pom poms
were over. All those night laying awake worrying who
was smacking around the Hotrod Pit Crew were in vain.
hot dog did not disappoint and Sedonya
Face was the funky fresh DJ. The Hustlers were not
skating so they were scattered around the bout for short
conversations and joking. Many friends, old and new
were scattered thru the crowd and it was Reyna
Terror's birthday. Das-It
admitted to reading the Groovee
Fortune Countrystarr Blog and met up with an adoring
fan! Officially, The
Wrench and Das-It are reading the blog. Mission
Crush went falling to the ground and for the first
time since roller derby was revived, there was absolute
silence. It was crazy creepy. I guess the music usually
continues playing and half the crowd doesn't know there's
an injury. I was afraid her head had been ripped off,
but she hurt her knee, should be fine and didn't have
to be immediately airlifted to the head reattaching
hospital. The crowd is one thing, but you can't ever
make a group of rollergirls shut up because they don't
know how to play the quiet game!
Hell Marys won without even needing one shake of Scarlot
Harlot's pom poms and the Hotrods beat the Heartbreakers
and the only thing remembered from that involves Tinkerhell
and Spitfire flying like wombats at Mr. Rage and Everett.
The same guys took out the HOT DOG! See
the hot dog is really fun and easy to attack! The
wristbands for the game were so great I had to take
a photo! With the Hell Mary wristband, the Heartbreaker
flashing ring, all the interaction with the Hustlers
and the oh so fun pursuit of the Hotrod Hot Dog, it
truly felt like a fully integrated Texas Rollergirl.
miss the Texas
Rollergirls Championship bout August 3rd. See if
the Hotrod Honeys really can be the Wieners! They should
have let the girls play contact sports a long long time
ago!!!!! The Scarlot Harlot is obviously rooting for
the HELL MARYS! HELL YEAH! See you there. Should tell
you I was the Hook 'Em mascot at University of Texas
in order to explain my obsession with this hot dog?
Nevermind. Just deal with it! Eat great food by Traveling
Bistro and drink bottomless mimosas at NOMAD on
Sundays starting at 11 a.m.
for reading and dealing with the personal battle with
the present /past tense and the first / third / crazy
person of this babble. Once you've skated in with the
Texas Rollergirls, you've been knocked in the head and
on your ass so many times, coming up with a story and
typing it is a miracle.
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