Scarlot Harlot...in search of a Giant Hot Dog!
by Scarlot Harlot a.k.a. Beth Been

SUNDAY!!! SUNDAY!!! SUNDAY!!!! is roller derby day. In days of old when the Scarlot Harlot skated for the Hell Marys, her entire day was dedicated to the pursuit of personal sports accomplishment and satisfaction. Stretching for hours, eating nothing but hamburgers and powerbars, drinking every drop of water in site, listening to the Foo Fighters in order to pump up for the chance to play some real derby. None of that cry baby shit where some of the toughest girls in the league boo hoo and wipe their eyes cuz you blocked them too hard in practice. Time to put on fishnets, pour on the war paint, put red bows in the braids and work out some of those personal issues that arise in running the business of roll derby. LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE, FOXY BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First off, the Scarlot Harlot while unable to be suppressed from Beth Been's personal life, is no longer skating AND you need to know that practically NOTHING here will be about the SPORT of roller derby. Go read the freaking recap. When roller derby was revived there was hardly any sport. It was all SPECTACLE. Satan's cheerleaders, priests on stilts and skates, Tinkerhell with sparklers, dragons, coffins, pit crews with flags, the usual suspects ruffled panties, flamers, freaks, FIGHTS!!!!....It was beautiful. Our own little Jim Rose Freak Show without anyone having to pick a keg up with their wiener. Scarlot Harlot once dreamed of hitting the road with the WARPED tour or Ozfest showing the our hard hitting action and cool, cutie moves. Don't worry, the roller derby split was more to blame for unrealized dreams than the sport but you are being warned the Scarlot Harlot LOVES to play the sport of roller derby and loves strategy, etc but we are going to talk about the SPECTACLE!

Sunday, July 6, 2008 was a much different day for the Scarlot Harlot. Retired from the Hell Marys, she didn't stretch except to reach the beer cooler and to be quite honest, she headed to the bout in search of a Giant Hot Dog! There had been much discussion about the mysterious hot dog and photos needed to be taken! It needs to be mentioned that the heart ring Bettie and Mr. Rage gave Scarlot started blinking on the dresser and indicated something exciting was in store.

Traveling Bistro sponsors Heartbreak Hooligans Tailgate

Prior to the big event, the Heartbreak Hooligans had a tailgate party sponsored by Traveling Bistro. If you have no idea how a roller derby event comes together, be assured, standing in the parking lot, drinking beer, watching a surprise tiny motorcycle exhibition in the parking lot and seeing the hordes of people headed towards the bout is a million times more fun than stressing out because you have to skate, your team is losing it's mind, and you forgot something important. The Porchetta Sandwiches by Mr. Beau Been (retired Texas Rollergirl Photographer/Owner of Traveling Bistro) were delicious and were a perfect base for later Lone Star drinking activities. When in the hell did Smash Hit become a Heartbreaker!?!!?!! Totally impressed by the tailgating efforts, Orion get the team spirit award especially by showing his Bettie Rage team spirit with a denim vest embroidered with "Mr Rage." Together Scarlot Harlot and Mr. Rage seem to be having a TGI Fridays flair competition! Hell Yeah!

Onward to the Skating...looking for the Real Weiner

On route across the parking lot, there was Pussy Velour (retired Hustler) dressed in a sexy Hell Mary outfit complete with name, number and a few naughty embellishments. Once inside, the bout was already going. Beer in hand, the hot dog instantly sighted. It was a magnificent, happy faced hot dog who would take photos with anyone. While lurking around the hot dog, up walks Spitfire and says the cheerleaders can no longer go on the track! This was the first bout the Scarlot Harlot had been to all season after about a year(s) as a photographer / photographic wrangler, many many years of skating (maybe 6 or 7?), and eternity of doing the web page and a brief stint as penalty mistress and a 2007 Hell Mary Cheerleader. She'd been carrying a lot of guilt about not returning for the 2008 Hell Mary season, but on sight of the barrier around the track said the days of running around the track screaming and cheering with her favorite pom poms were over. All those night laying awake worrying who was smacking around the Hotrod Pit Crew were in vain.

The hot dog did not disappoint and Sedonya Face was the funky fresh DJ. The Hustlers were not skating so they were scattered around the bout for short conversations and joking. Many friends, old and new were scattered thru the crowd and it was Reyna Terror's birthday. Das-It admitted to reading the Groovee Fortune Countrystarr Blog and met up with an adoring fan! Officially, The Wrench and Das-It are reading the blog. Mission accomplished! Cherry Crush went falling to the ground and for the first time since roller derby was revived, there was absolute silence. It was crazy creepy. I guess the music usually continues playing and half the crowd doesn't know there's an injury. I was afraid her head had been ripped off, but she hurt her knee, should be fine and didn't have to be immediately airlifted to the head reattaching hospital. The crowd is one thing, but you can't ever make a group of rollergirls shut up because they don't know how to play the quiet game!

The Hell Marys won without even needing one shake of Scarlot Harlot's pom poms and the Hotrods beat the Heartbreakers and the only thing remembered from that involves Tinkerhell and Spitfire flying like wombats at Mr. Rage and Everett. The same guys took out the HOT DOG! See the hot dog is really fun and easy to attack! The wristbands for the game were so great I had to take a photo! With the Hell Mary wristband, the Heartbreaker flashing ring, all the interaction with the Hustlers and the oh so fun pursuit of the Hotrod Hot Dog, it truly felt like a fully integrated Texas Rollergirl.

Don't miss the Texas Rollergirls Championship bout August 3rd. See if the Hotrod Honeys really can be the Wieners! They should have let the girls play contact sports a long long time ago!!!!! The Scarlot Harlot is obviously rooting for the HELL MARYS! HELL YEAH! See you there. Should tell you I was the Hook 'Em mascot at University of Texas in order to explain my obsession with this hot dog? Nevermind. Just deal with it! Eat great food by Traveling Bistro and drink bottomless mimosas at NOMAD on Sundays starting at 11 a.m.

Thanks for reading and dealing with the personal battle with the present /past tense and the first / third / crazy person of this babble. Once you've skated in with the Texas Rollergirls, you've been knocked in the head and on your ass so many times, coming up with a story and typing it is a miracle.

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